Has anyone ever done something to you that was really hard to forgive? Have you wondered if you were required to forgive those who didn’t repent of their wrongdoing? What if someone has hurt you deeply, but they aren’t sorry? Maybe they don’t even think they did anything wrong! Must we forgive those people, too?
I’ve experienced some traumatic things in my life, the kinds of things that are hard to forgive.
After reading Bruce Cooper’s excellent post, To Forgive – When and How Often, I asked him about forgiving someone who isn’t sorry about their crime. His answer was helpful to me, and I thought it might help some of you, too.
Bruce’s response: In Luke 23:34, Jesus, in the midst of unimaginable suffering, prays,
“Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”
Jesus expresses a posture of mercy even toward those who hadn’t repented.
However, it’s important to distinguish between the willingness to forgive and the actual bestowal of forgiveness, especially as Jesus taught it. Throughout Scripture, we are called to always maintain a heart ready to forgive, even before the other person repents. This is the spirit Jesus embodied—He did not harbor bitterness or resentment.
But when it comes to the transaction of forgiveness—the restoration of relationship—that is usually tied to repentance. Jesus said in Luke 17:3–4 (NASB):
“If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
This shows that the full experience of forgiveness includes repentance. Jesus’ prayer on the cross (“Father, forgive them…”) was not a pronouncement that all were automatically forgiven, but a plea for the Father to extend mercy—possibly opening the door for their eventual repentance (as some would later come to believe, like the Roman centurion in Luke 23:47 and many Jews at Pentecost in Acts 2:37–41).
So yes, we are indeed called to release bitterness and be willing to forgive even when the other person doesn’t see their wrong. But this doesn’t mean we minimize sin or pretend reconciliation has occurred when it hasn’t. Forgiveness, like love, is offered freely—but reconciliation requires truth and repentance.
In short:
We forgive from the heart (Mark 11:25) so that bitterness doesn’t take root.
We remain open to reconciliation, praying that others come to repentance.
We do not take revenge but entrust justice to God (Romans 12:19).
Your insight about people not knowing the harm they cause is often true, and this makes compassion even more needed. But biblical forgiveness, in its fullest sense, doesn’t deny the need for accountability—it simply refuses to let offense rule our hearts. Hope this helps to answer your question. Blessings – Bruce
To Forgive – When and How Often by Bruce Cooper. Read it HERE.
In His Love, Cindy
Do you want to know more about Jesus? See my page Who Is Jesus?
“Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: May they prosper who love you.”
Psalm 122:6
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