Do your kids have secrets they don’t share with you? Well, I don’t know about you, but I certainly didn’t tell my parents everything I did! And I was a “good” kid (well, at least until I went away to college).
In the day we live it is more important than ever to talk to your kids and build up trust so they will tell you about school and their friends. Your kids need to be unafraid of how you will respond. They need to be able to voice their concerns to someone they know loves them.
If they say something shocking, don’t overreact! Take a deep breath and try to continue the conversation calmly so that you can discuss what they said. (Kids have been known to try to shock you.)
Consider this snippet of a real conversation a mother had with her young married daughter, Jane. (Names have been changed.)
Mom: “Are you going to church?” (not the first time Jane got this question!)
Jane: “Not really.”
Mom: “You need to go to church! It’s really important. Blah, blah, blah”
Jane: “I don’t know if I even believe in God!”
Mom freaks out and starts yelling! “You’re not my daughter! I don’t have a daughter!”
Jane storms out of the house and they don’t speak to each other for over a year.
Now here’s the back story: Jane was a Christian, but she was seriously questioning her belief in God. She accepted Jesus as a child, but she never had the support she needed to grow and mature in Christ. She needed someone to voice her concerns to.
Jesus didn’t abandon Jane. He watched over her for many years until she found her way back to Him. (He is the most faithful friend you could ever have.) Not many years later, Jane did go back to church and eventually even became involved in ministry.
So, if your child says something shocking to you that makes you want to scream, consider it an opportunity for them to think through what they said with someone who loves them.
“Be merciful to those who doubt” Jude 1:22 NIV
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV
The demands on parents today can be overwhelming, especially on moms. I know what it’s like to lose my cool. We’ve all done it!
My advice is to prepare yourself ahead of time for how you will respond to some outrageous remark from your teen because it will probably happen eventually. When something comes at us out of the blue and we are caught off guard, that’s when our response may be less than stellar.
“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,” 1 Peter 3:15 NIV
In His Love, Cindy
Do you want to know more about Jesus? See my page Who Is Jesus?
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Thanks for sharing Cindy. I am not bad with talking, but listening is a skill my better half has mastered, being able to hear kids or grandkiddos out is her forte.
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Having a grandmother (and grandfather) that loves you is a true blessing. How I miss mine!
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Same
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Such a good reminder Cindy.
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Thank you, Manu.God bless you today!
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It’s easier by the time grandchildren come along and you’ve been desensitized! 🙂
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I agree! Blessings, Nancy!
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Thank you for this post. Although I don’t have teenagers yet, I wonder whether I will be prepared for that season.
I’m working on taming my tongue and emotions. I tend to overreact instead of respond (pause, pray, then speak).
I know how that young lady above felt. I was in a long period of confusion at a young age (especially not coming from a Christian family). It was only when I met Christ that I discovered my identity and faith.
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Thanks for sharing that, Tiffany. Someday when you have teenagers, I know you will be a great mom! God bless you!
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Thank you 🥰
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Agreed!
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Great post Cindy. One of my teenagers used to share a lot with me and yes, sometimes I was thinking “I’d rather not know that” and it was hard to not over react, but I have seen God’s hand on her life and whilst those difficult conversations are just that..difficult..I am glad that she is open and will talk about things. We don’t agree about some things..I am often shocked by her worldview but even with our parental influence I understand that the other influences of social media, friends, school etc are very powerful. I trust God that she will find her way through.
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I believe she will. God is faithful and I know you have prayed for her throughout her life. It is a wonderful thing that she can be open with you. I will pray for you and your daughter. God bless you today, Nicola!
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Thank you Cindy
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Good stuff, Cindy! Having been a rebellious teen myself, I know it’s a delicate balance to strike – being open and understanding, yet guiding them through life’s tough moments. It’s a lesson that’s invaluable, not just in personal relationships but in all aspects of life, including educational and career choices (I remember my dad being shocked when I said I wanted to be an artist as a kid, and then he proceeded to scream at me, ha!). Thank you for sharing these thoughtful insights – they’re a great reminder for all of us!
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Thank you for your comments. I suppose many of us were rebellious teens! I thank the Lord for never giving up on me! Blessings, Raymond!
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